Overheard Movie Conversation

My brother Ryan does special effects for movies. He posted this on facebook and I thought it was funny.
These are actual conversations he has heard on set. I have been there a few times and he is not making this stuff up.


Setting: Laying out the position of the stunt drivers on a stunt vehicle we are building


Coordinator: It's looking good, except this seat is too far back. It won't allow for the accumulator tanks to fit behind. We'll have to move it forward.

Designer: If we move it any further forward it won't allow for the stunt drivers legs, it's got to stay where it is.

Coordinator: Just find a stunt driver with no legs... There's got to be a few of them out there.

Designer: I guess that could work, but before we commit to it I want to make sure that we have a guy

Coordinator: What are you looking at me like that for? At least I'm not a Producer, he'd be telling you to cut his legs off!


A little later in the conversation...

Designer: The other problem is he sits too tall, we can't have his head higher than 35".

Coordinator: Can't we just lay his seat further back so he's driving from more of a laying position?

Designer: The problem with that is it places his head right next to the half axle. If that half axle breaks, it's going through his head.

Coordinator: So just install an advil dispenser, or find me a legless midget to drive this thing. Either way, get it done!

Setting: Scout of a finished and dressed set with the director and dept. keys.

Director: Those fish aren't bright enough. I need them to pop!

Art Dept: The script called for an aquarium full of piranha, so that's what
we got.

Director: That's great, they just aren't bright enough colors. Can we put
some brighter fish in with them?

Art Dept: They are piranha, I'm afraid they will eat anything else we
place in the tank.

Director: Look, they need to pop! They need to be brighter! Can we glue some glitter to them or something?

-pause-

Art Dept: Sorry sir, they are rentals.

Setting: We've rigged flammable fluid to drip through a flame, and pass
through camera frame while on fire.

Director of Photography (DP): That looks great, but it's too fast. Can you
make the drip fall slower?

FX: silence...
FX: um, no
(Werner quietly mutters in the background, Sure, let me just through this
huge switch that reverses the laws of physics)

DP: What if we thicken up the drip, use rubber cement or something?

FX: the drip will still fall at the same speed.
some ranting and raving ensues, followed by camera adjusting the camera speed to catch the flamming drip falling slower.







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